You can find the lectionary gospel reading for Sunday 15th March, which was the text for this reflection here
I did promise, several weeks ago, that we’d dip into John’s gospel as we move through the season of lent, and so here we are. Actually last week’s lectionary reading, which we did not hear, was also from John’s account of the gospel, telling the story of Nicodemus who came at night to talk privately with Jesus in an effort to understand more clearly what Jesus was teaching. Nicodemus wanted some straight answers to his questions, but he doesn’t know what to make of the curly answers that Jesus offers him.
The story we’ve just heard of Jesus’ encounter with the unnamed woman at the well follows on from Nicodemus’ visit and is quite a contrast to it. Jesus and the unnamed woman truly are conversation partners as they talk by the well, each listening to the other, responding and adding to the flow of the dialogue. And because of that, this exchange goes in unexpected directions. Because of that flow, this is a transformative conversation for both of them, and it offers us some profound insights for how we listen and speak about faith in our own time and context.
So as we explore it, first of all, let’s dispel any misconceptions we may have about the character of this Samaritan woman. When we hear that she has had five husbands and is currently living with a man who is not her husband, we easily forget first century context and suppose that she has made a series of poor choices and is sexually active in a way we might call loose and lacking in good moral values. But the only way a woman could have had five husbands in her time and culture is if the five men who married her had either died or divorced her – and that’s not an unlikely scenario. The choice to marry or not, to divorce or not, is not for a woman to make – which is how this woman has ended up in a relationship which does not offer her any commitments for her security or protection – and don’t forget, she is dependent on a man to provide these to keep her from homelessness, destitution and prostitution.
So, yes, she is going to draw water in the middle of the day, when it is hot and unpleasant to be out, and yes, she is alone. But she is not a floosy.
She is isolated and vulnerable; if I stand in her shoes just for a moment I feel lonely and deeply sad.
And that’s when she meets Jesus.
He is hot and tired from travelling and also alone. They really shouldn’t be talking to each other at all; they are breaking all kinds of cultural taboos. But Jesus is thirsty and asks for her help.
How frustrating to be hot and thirsty and sitting beside a well – with no bucket! How fortuitous that a woman comes along with a bucket! In the middle of the day! That almost never happens!
The story doesn’t tell us if the woman draws water and gives him a drink as they talk… but in my imagination she definitely does…in my imagination, this conversation is punctuated by pauses as he watches her lower the bucket and pull it back up, as he drinks and as she also takes a drink.
So let’s look more closely to see how this is a transforming experience – how things change for both of them through their encounter by the well…
The woman begins isolated, vulnerable, lonely and obviously at the margins of her community. By the end of the conversation, the woman returns to her community and is seen and heard; over the course of the two extra days that Jesus and the disciples stay with them, she becomes reintegrated into the centre of the community and has been instrumental in the faith journey of many within it.
Jesus begins tired, thirsty, hungry and rather anonymously on his way somewhere else. Samaria was somewhere he was just passing through, not a destination. By the end of this exchange, Jesus is fully satisfied and energised. Not only that, he is invited to stay and teach more in this community where, for the first time in John’s account, he has revealed his identity as the Christ, the Messiah.
This confession is offered in a moment of searing honesty between Jesus and the woman at the well. Which is fitting because just before this, Jesus tells the woman to go and call her husband and she tells him I do not have a husband.
She is totally honest with him, confessing a situation which is laden with shame as well as sadness and loss. We might, once again see through the lens of our moral assumptions and hear in Jesus’ reply an implied judgement. Which means we could easily miss that there is in fact full open acceptance in Jesus’ response.
Obviously we do not know the tone or how he spoke these words – you are right, this is your situation, you have spoken truthfully – but consider for a moment how this might sound spoken with the warmth of empathy.
When we speak with warmth, acceptance, non-judgement, empathy we call forthunderstanding, openness and receptivity both in our own self and in those we talk with. When we speak to each other with coolness, distance, criticism, judgement, rebuke – even when we speak with tolerance – more often that not we call forth defensiveness, resistance, inner hardening and rejection.
Truly, conversations don’t go far when we listen with judgement.
Even when our judgement is unspoken. Even if we think we’ve hidden it. Or passed it off.
I know when I’m being listened to with warmth and acceptance, and I know when I’m not.
I bet you do too – you can just tell.
And you know any conversation that begins with an agenda to point out how the other is at fault rarely goes in a positive, healing, liberating or hopeful direction.
The foundation of this conversation between Jesus and the woman is openness, warmth, shared vulnerability and honesty.
I was at the gym last week and at the end of the class there was a group of women talking…
I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying until I caught the words Bible Study, and I thought, that’s interesting, I’ve never heard anyone in this group talk about bible study before ….my ears pricked up. One of them was saying ‘no, it’s not a bible study, it’s a morning tea and something…’
And I thought, huh, I wonder where this is going, maybe I can find a way to join this conversation…
And another responded ‘yeah, but they say that and then they’ll turn it into a bible study…it’s how they trap you’.
Christians have a reputation for listening with judgement, for acting like we are superior.
We have a reputation for bad news, not good news. We have a reputation for entrapment.
That’s not what I want to be part of when I talk about faith…and that reputation precedes us and makes talking openly, warmly and thoughtfully about faith really hard to do.
It feels unfair at first….but I think if we sit with that for a moment, if we listen like a good conversation partner, with openness and empathy, we might begin to recognise where it’s true.
You might begin to recognise where it’s true in you.
You’ll begin to feel sad, lonely and vulnerable.
And truly, these are uncomfortable feelings, but this is where the Christ meets us.
This is where we can touch into the flow of grace and peace and this is the only place where transformation can begin.
As followers in Christ’s way, we want our conversations to be transforming for our world because this is God’s mission, God’s calling for our lives:
to be the little bit of yeast that makes the dough rise; to be the pinch or two of salt that brings out all the flavours; to be the little light that shines for hope and allows us to see truth, and to see injustice.
We can only be transforming agents in the world if we have practices and habits that take us daily back to the well of God’s love and grace – otherwise we find ourselves going with the other flow….
the flow of self interest, of comfort and convenience, of Not My Business or Someone Else’s Problem….
the flow of Netflix and Social Media, the flow of what’s trending now….or we go with the flow of tradition and history, of this is how we’ve always done it.
So, along with a daily prayer practice of returning to the well to listen to love and receive again and again the gift of being seen, heard, known and fully accepted, you might also find these practical steps helpful for you to check if you are in the deep flow of grace and peace, or if you are in the shallows and being carried by the current of culture.
Start by listening to yourself – to what you say to yourself inside your own head, and to what you say when you are with others.
Check in with how you are listening –
Is there warmth and openness?
Is judgement present?
Are you letting the voice of the critic guide you?
Is there separation – them and us/me vs them – or is there a recognition of connection – we are in this together/we are us?
You may notice there are some people you habitually listen to differently….
Every time you notice that you are going with the flow of judgement, criticism, separation, distance…try this:
Pause.
Breathe in and out.
Open to Love. Choose Love. Keep practising.
Transforming lives is God’s hope and vision to bring restoration and salvation to the whole of creation, and we are partners in this mission.
It starts with you and your heart, your life.
It starts with choosing to go with the flow of Love.
